


When, Where, and With Whom?

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Out of Character, Parody, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-04
Updated: 2012-09-04
Packaged: 2018-10-01 02:32:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10178720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Hermione shocks the group while playing truth or dare.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Disclaimer: Sadly, it’s not mine. Actually that’s probably a good thing… think of all the children that would’ve been scarred for life!  
A/N: Yes, it’s random… It’s also completely and totally AU. In my little world Lucius turned spy for the Order…

When, Where, and With Whom?

“Knock, knock.”  
“Who's there?”  
“You know.”  
“You know, who?”  
“YES, AVADA KEDAVRA!!”  
Hermione burst out laughing. “I don’t know if that’s the stupidest joke I’ve ever heard, but it’s definitely the funniest stupid joke I’ve ever heard,” she told him. “Okay, Fred, who’s next?”  
“Why you are, dear Hermione! Truth or dare?” Fred asked.  
“Truth,” she giggled and reached for her drink, pouting slightly as she realised the glass was empty. With a shrug she grabbed the bottle of firewhisky and poured herself another.  
“When, where, and with whom did you lose your virginity?” He said, grinning wickedly.  
“Good one Fred,” Ron praised.  
Ginny smirked, “Are you sure you want to know?”  
“She shouldn’t have to tell you that, even if you do want to know,” Harry protested.  
Hermione replied, “it’s fine, Harry. And to answer the question: the summer before fifth year after an Order meeting, at Hogwarts, and with Severus, Lucius, and ‘Dora.”  
Ginny and Hermione giggled at everyone’s gobsmacked expressions. Evidently they’d not connected all of the time that the four spent together with anything sexual.  
“S…s…Snape?” Ron managed to squeak.  
“Yes that is Severus’s last name,” Hermione replied slowly, as though speaking to one especially dim, “You know, he taught you potions for seven years… that Severus. Not one of all the other Severuses we know...”  
“And Malfoy?” Harry asked.  
“Yeeeeeessssss…. That would be why I mentioned Lucius, unless there’s another Lucius you know?”   
“Tonks too?” the twins asked simultaneously.  
“Honestly! Yes- I am sleeping with Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Nymphadora Tonks! We’re all rather in love and I don’t see why you’re all so shocked. We share a room with one bed- what did you think we were doing, taking turns?!?!”  
Ginny giggled, and Hermione rounded on her. “What?” she snapped. Still giggling, she pointed over Hermione’s shoulder. Hermione whirled to see her lovers standing behind her, looking highly amused.  
Severus stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. “We most certainly are not taking turns,” he drawled.  
“Indeed not,” Lucius commented as he slipped his arms around her from the other side.  
“Nope!” Tonks agreed smugly as she joined the hug. “We’re having hot sex instead!” she added breaking down into giggles as the boys blushed.


End file.
